There are days when everything you do comes out right and then there are those when no matter how much you try the end result is infuriating disappointment. Unfortunately for some weird universal reason the latter is a lot more probable.
I have been dealing with three weeks of "not getting it right" in my art work and life, falling closer to the edge of a mental break down. At a point when flipping burgers at McDonalds seemed more lucrative than what i was doing in my life, a ray of clarity hit me in a head and i got some of my mojo back. It was a regular Thursday morning when i once again hopelessly sat myself down to paint thinking that it will be just another day of frustration and disappointment and then it wasn't. It is an incredible feeling when you suddenly realize that all is not in vain and you are not only yielding results but having a moment of truth. The process and concepts of painting which you kinda knew in theory begin to work and come together in unity. "Eureka!" you exclaim in your head and all of a sudden turn into the first person to discover the unknown.
This feeling is fleeting like a blue bird and you have to keep it in your minds eye at all times for it not to leave you.
With wings of self reassurance once again behind my back, i was able to navigate to new realizations. I finally figured out what i am passionate about and what my art needs to convey( funny how hard it is sometimes to pin point what it is exactly that keeps your heart racing and motor going).
I figured out at least one very clearly. I was looking into applying to an Eco residency and realized that I do not fit the qualifications. I care about nature and yet my art right now does not reflect it. So I began to think of how could I make my art work for the environment and came up with a personal project for myself. I am doing portraits of critically endangered species in hopes of later organizing a fundraiser to auction of the artwork and give raised money to the World Wild Life Foundation .
Through out history a great portion of art has been geared towards politicians and business men who fancied art simply because they had the means for acquiring it. It is understandble; artists like to eat and get payed and whoever pays dictates the subject matter.
Going to a museum you will see kings and queens, priests and saints staring down at you. Never will you see a portrait of an animal in contemplation.
My work won't make a huge difference in the world nor will it stop the poaching or save the animals from extinction.... but i would like to know that I at least tried to do something to help them to be visible.
Here are some of my first ballpoint pen sketches. These are free handed and drawn from black and white reference photos
Cross River Gorilla